On the last day of 2015, i just want to say...

 THANK YOU.

for all that had been received & all that had been given.

for all that i wanted & all that i don't want. 

for all the likes & dislikes.

for all the pleasures & pain.

for all the ups & downs.

for all the light & darkness.

for all the sweet & bitter.

for everything that had happened to me.

 I am as excited about 2016 as i was for 2015. 

What lies ahead is planned yet unknown. 

Like how those clouds taking shape constantly 

because of the wind. 

Watching them, we can fit in our imagination on them,

free & wildly.

Who is to judge, except us?

Just be playful & foolish happily!

It is never too late or too soon.

It is when it supposed to be. 

~ Mitch Albom, The Time Keeper

H A P P Y  N E W Y E A R 2 0 1 6 

F R I E N D S :)

 

I don't fancy C2H5OH. I am not sorry.

We are all smelling x'ams-sy, aren't we?
Presents, parties, hugs, laughter, drinkings... 

At this time of the year, friends around me get a chance to know me better on just ONE thing:
I don't fancy alcohol. I can't handle it.

In most time, i have to be up early the next day... a hangover yoga class--- Bad idea.  

If i do drink, it probably means i trust the people around me very much.

And I don't feel sorry about that at all:)

Most of my friends can handle alcohol very well.
I totally do envy them for the ability to manage the effect.

One year, I was celebrating my X'mas in India. We went to a club in Bangalore.
We ordered drinks and i wanted a fruit juice. I got stared by a friend.

 " What?! How on earth are you going to enjoy on the dance floor if you don't drink?"

I smiled.

I thought.

" Not necessary. I can enjoy better when I am clear headed."

In fact, the smell of alcoholic drinks reminds me of nail polish--- It almost feels like I'm sipping a glass of O.P.I --- hmmm... i prefer to have it on my nails:)

Initially, most friends felt more uncomfortable than me for not fitting in.
Very glad for me, that they have gotten used & respected my choices all the time.

 You have your beers and shots, i have my juice and coffee. No problem! :)

To all my dearest friends, I appreciate the respect, support and enjoyment you all had shared with me all these years. 

Many more happy time to come!

Cheers!

A LOVESHINES trip to Siem Reap, Cambodia 2015

 " The mind, once stretched by a new idea, never returns to its original dimensions." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

We can never unseen something that had been seen.

My recent trip to Siem Reap with LoveShines had really made me think these days.
Though it was not my first time, I'd seen a fair share of slump areas and families living in extreme conditions during multiple trips to India.

Having most of my time living in a city, one can never get used to seeing people living literally having close to nothing.

Once, i stood in front of a house from a distance. I could already see everything inside. I could even count how many items were in there--- not more than 3.

So many times, i asked myself " How, how on earth can anyone live with so little and still carefree?"
I almost felt bad having so much back home, too much-- and hardly anyone is happy.

Why?

Photo credit: Darren Lim

Its a great reminder that there is no comparison of lives--- this is indeed a great wake up call for us who is trap in #firstworldproblem.

Scarcity and Abundance is just a flip of perception of life.
How much effort of self-inquiry throughout our lives we need, in hope to gain a little more knowledge and wisdom--- we need so little to be content and happy.

This trip, instead of saying they benefited from us;
Rather, we had received so much more from them :)
 

A story: A box of Ferrero Rocher

Does anyone of you like chocolate? I like.
Besides satisfying my sweet-tooth, chocolate reminds me of story from my school day.

A box of Ferrero Rocher 

Mr Simon Lim was my POA ( Principle of Accountancy ) teacher in my final year of high school. As the exam date got closer, we were anxious, so did the teachers.

Mr Lim was probably one unpretentious teacher i ever met. 

His lanky physical was clothed with his usual fashion--- prim & proper.

Off white long sleeves shirt; he left one button opened showing his Adam's apple.

Well pressed dark brown trousers matched with a clean soft leather shoes. 

Small face roofed with a thin, sleek & carefully side parted hair. 

    

In a composed manner, he would walked into the classroom carrying

an unbranded grey shopping plastic bag. 

He gently put down his " briefcase" on the table with confidence;

took out the textbook and started the class.   

A man with a retro fashion sense.

Once, he took out a box of Ferrero Rocher, we got so excited.

" See this box of chocolate?" 

He extended his arms 45 degree upwards like a magician.

Carefully, he opened the lid, and asked the naughtiest boy to take a piece.

Once the boy lifted off a piece from the box, his expression changed,

" So light! Its empty inside! I got tricked!"

The boy took another piece randomly and exclaimed,

" Teacher you bluffed me! No chocolate, only wrapper!"

Satisfied with the outcome, Mr Lim laughed, we laughed, the boy laughed too.

Shortly, he resumed to his poker face and said,

 " Student, do you want to be like this empty box when you enter into the exam hall?

Do you want to not know what to give when you have not put anything into your head?

Please study, so you can enter the exam hall with a box full of sweetness and confidence."

Decade years from then, i would still remember what Mr Lim had said whenever i see a box of Ferrero Rocher. I have past the days of studying and exams papers-- to many tests in life. 

The difference is...

 In school, we learned the lessons before the test.

In life, we learned the lessons after the test.

" Sometimes in life, your situation will keep repeating until you learn your lesson... 

i guess in most times are like that."

  

A good teacher would probably never be a popular one.

I was having some discussions with some friends about work- related topic;
and i blurted out a thought:  

A good teacher would probably never be a popular one. 

Yeah, they are probably those who push all the buttons of the students;
Annoy them or even make them cry;
Challenge their every act and decision;
And make them feel so unsure and uncomfortable about themselves.... first.

But! They are also probably those who are ready to take all the sh*t from the students;
Being there through the tides and show them how to manage their own personal issues;
Encourage them to be strong enough not to fall easily into conformity;
And allow them to have their own space and watch them flourish in their own skin as awareness expands.

I have seen enough to make me realize that i don't need to please everyone and make everyone happy. Practicing truthfulness ( satya) is the least i can do for the students.
 

Too fast, too furious--- and I feared.

I am afraid, of moving forward to fast.

This is the second time i had this feeling.
The previous one was about 5 years ago, it took a tour somewhere;
and came back to me again. Today.

Is there something wrong with me? Progressing no doubt is a good thing.
But there is a strong nudge towards an unknown, calling out for a change.

After i had a talk with my teacher, James on what's next?
I'm kind of excited and scared-- A long train of thoughts running in my head.
I was feeling really restless of no particular reason-- and took a leisure walk by myself around to let out some gas.

I am afraid, of moving forward to fast.
That i couldn't catch a breath to enjoy the leap. 

Surely, i don't like to stay in this bubble of uncertainties--- but i guess it put me just on the right spot for self-confrontation. That I don't eventually self-sabotage the plan. Again.

When the change is not an idea anymore.
When the change is appealing for an execution.
When the change is so ready to take flight ( and I'm not sure if i am too).
I freaked out. ( yet still hungry for it).

I recite my dreams every night before i sleep.
I think about it every now and then as i walk down the streets.
And things are taking shape slowly, calling out for the need of adaptability---
Now that all i feel is hopeful & afraid. 

So shall be it.
 

Hold that faith- we will understand it one day.

Every thing happened, happens for a reason. Even we don't know, or don't understand or don't accept the reason right now.

In the moment of whirlpool of thoughts, we may feel angry--- on the fact that there a world out there beyond our control. 

We may throw tantrum like a child, blaming everyone & including ourselves.

But,  hold that faith---  that one day as we mature, we will finally understand why some things don't happen the way we wanted. 

" ... Because God has got better plan for you." A friend would always says.

Things don't happen to us, they happen for us ;)

A Library in the City, Yay!

I've heard people talking about it,

I've seen snap-shots of it on Instagram,

I've walked past it many time,

I've ignored it each time,

I've waited for the hype to reach calmness,

I've finally visit it,

Library @ Orchard,

 I'm very thankful for this birth.

I never used to enjoy reading, and somehow my dislikes & likes are swopping places as i get wiser.
 Reading = Dazing in blank = Day dreaming = ZZzzzz

Recorded in history. 

I started picking up one book and many servings one after another.

Looking forward to spend a fraction of my day in the library, especially gaps in between classes.

 Reading = Mental travels = Vocabulary income = Self- reflection = Give Me More!

 Sunday classes are always in town, the waiting period however is quite a handful to spend.

As the shops start their operations, people begin to crowd.

Me, after a whole morning of teaching is exhausted.

I need to recharge before the noon class.

Getting away from the bustle is my priority.

Dragging my feet towards the entrance, 

with a heavy bag sitting on one shoulder, i entered with a joy of relief. 

Finally! I found you!

I love parquet flooring, it feels home.

I love how the decibel drops gradually but quick enough to feel the softness of the atmosphere.

I love to window shop among the bookshelves, with nothing in particular I am looking for. 

 

My glances are always chasing after my ( very slow) stroll.

Among the crowd, there will always be one title that waves frantically at me.

" Once you stop looking for what you want, you will find what you need"

 I spotted it & pulled it off the shelf.

I'm grateful for the options of chair and floor seats.

Too much "chair time" gives me rigidity & backache,

Walked over to the mellow 3- tier flat surface of parquet.

Gingerly, I sat down and let out a phew!

Stretched out my legs fully... ah! Feel so much better now.

Ready to unleashed my reading fantasy!

 

A Choice of Void

I was brought up learning not to reject offers or making people feel bad about rejection--- even on the expense of my own happiness.

Having my own share of struggles--- this coin started to flip over slowly as i started to form my way of thinking.

Thus, a very valuable lesson i finally planted for my own good is...

Knowing that it is totally OK to reject & be rejected,

and  feel neither guilty nor humiliated about it.

 We almost feel oblige to make a choice according to the offers given by others-- that we have to take something. 

Option: A, B, C or D

Choose one. 

Which one would you choose?

Maybe A?

Maybe B?

Maybe C?

Maybe D?

Maybe None?

Don't forget, a void is also a choice. 

A rejection is just another way of acceptance.

Life is just full of ironies.

We see the blacks and the whites,

but don't miss out the huge part of greys for us to play around!

Just like every morning.

Friends told me that I'm crazy.
Yeah, maybe.

Among the yoga folks, I'm normal.
Are we really that eager to meet the early birds?
No & nope.

Rather, i say, to greet ourselves.

A handful of days in a week, I'm up like that bunch of crazy yoga folks.

4am. Off the snooze. Shower. Make coffee. Dress up. Coffee ready. Pack bags. Take 10 minutes alone time. Snug into a dining chair. In daze. Fresh brew in my hands. Take a couple of sniff. Sip. Then gulp. Mouth washing with Listerine. A gulp of water. Ready to go. 

5am. To the bus stop. Cheering myself up with the morning breeze. 

The first bus arrived at 5.15am.
A chubby middle- aged uncle is already there.
Making himself comfortable, his fore-arm rested on his protruding belly like a cushion.
Engrossed with his smart mobile.
Few time, he lets out giggles. I smile to myself. 
Just like every morning.

I take the other seat, facing the road.
Gazing at the small patch of grass, and the framed sky view.
Those are all i need to be at ease.
Just like every morning.

A lingering smell of cigarette smoke. 
The well-dressed man with a sling bag is here.
Standing beside the bin, enjoying his first stick of the day.
Just like every morning.

When the last "bus-stop member" arrive, the bus is almost here.
A petite grouchy aunty. Casually dressed with short neat hair.
Armed with a few environmental-friendly shopping bags over her shoulders,
waddling to be the first in line.
Just like every morning.

My first greet of the day is the SBS bus driver.
I got my first stretch in the face, enough to return a " morning smile".
Just like every morning.

The next stop just around the corner. 

A smiley aunty. Neat short greyed hair.
Earth- colored flower printed blouse, matches with a black below-knee skirt.
Hello 你好!
Greeted the " bad morning mood" aunty, as she takes the seat beside her.
She ignored & looked away.
Just like every morning.

I love her spirit.

Am i the only crazy bunch to catch the day break?
I looked around and see the people I'm commuting with----I am not alone.
Whether its a must, a need or by choice--- we do it because we have to, we want to, we need to.

.... And those who were seen dancing were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music....| Friedrich Nietzsche











 


 

 

When success lies in the tries of many failures, would you still do it?

Jump and fall over. Just fall over.

This is what my teacher would always say. Always.

My both palms flat on the mat.
Head lifted just enough to focus my gaze at an invisible spot just at the top center in between the palms, forming a triangle.
Beads of sweat eagerly skiing down my nose bridge. Every breath carried a great deal of intensity.

 Ok. All i have to do is to bring my both feet.. from behind my palms to the front. 
So, if i miss the balance on the handstand, i will end up with a backbend.

I rehearsed what could possibly happen when i take that flight.
Replayed it many times mentally. A few more times quickly when i was making last-min adjustment to my hands--- just to get the most comfortable position.

The fear of falling can be quite choking.
But being afraid of that fear ( of falling) is worst.

I jumped. Past by the balance point. Fell over to the over side.

Oh...OK. That's not too bad actually. Not that frightening as what I've imagained. 

I stood up and smiled at my teacher.

The time you jump both feet off, few things may possibly happen.

If you landed back to where you started... OK.
If you managed to balance in that handstand... OK.
If you fall over to the other side... OK.

Don't make it a big deal. Just try again.

When you try, things happen, shit happens too. 
If you don't try, to be sure, nothing will happen. 




















  

Transiting through daily news: All these too shall pass

It's one of those days, transporting myself from one place to another.
The time spent in carriages has occupied much of my schedule.
While the whole transiting are happening, i took out my 5s nonchalantly like anyone did.

Just having the palm-sized phone in my right hand, i operated those functions like a pro.
As my thumb swiftly swished in a vertical motion lightly across the screen---- i glanced speedily for a quick updates about the news around the globe.

Good news. Bad news. Good news. Bad news. Bad news. Bad news. Good news. Good news. 

And I thought. 

Just at any one time, somebody is causing harm.. 
Another person, somewhere out there, is giving love.

Within breaths, someone is born....
And another being touches death. 

In some corners, some are crying in sorrow...
Others are tearing in joy.

A handful fell...
A few rose.

The universe does has it own way to keep everything in balance.

Every wickedness creates opportunity for kindness.
Every decency crafts a gap for immoral.

What we fail to see, does not determined any conclusion.
Why not drop those frames in our mind... and let's see?

Everything is transient. The only unchanging element is transient.
Just like how we transport ourselves from different locations.

As my cousin used to say: And all these too shall pass.

We are not alone. So do you.

Here I am sitting at my favorite kind of table. Thick wooden. Angular and big.

The fact is that I’m only using a 1/10 of the whole piece. The remaining 9/10 is pretty relaxing to just look at.

But nope, I’m not at Starbucks. I'm caving in at a homely studio along East Coast Road. Much earlier before my class starts at 7pm.

Settling myself in to write or read something after a busy day since morning.

It was indeed a hot day today. I’ve taken too much train rides recently. I opted for the longer route by bus. Don’t know since when, I started to develop a habit of taking different options.

My bad sense of direction hasn’t been very helpful at all.  
All I can say is---
My duration of being walking up and down the same street has shortened. A little.

Bumpy bus ride. Body temperature went down gradually. My eyes were gazing at the passing streets.

At the back of my mind when passively alert, minimizing my chances of getting down at the wrong stop. The low buzzing engine was hypnotizing. I nearly dozed off.

Spacing out--- a heap of thoughts poured in…

I am not good enough.

Why my other friends seem to have perfect lives, but here I am being so unhappy about mine?

Why everyone looks so happy except me?

Why the others can have such a nice practice, but mine look so clumsy and messed up?

I’m not good enough.

But my dear students, how do you know?

Just how do you know that they are not?

How do you know how much effort they are putting in to manage the setbacks in life? The amount of effort they are putting in each of their practice?

We don’t know.

So stop. Just stop. 

Thus the justification of us victimizing ourselves is purely, a waste of time and effort. 

It’s zero helpfulness. Nothing.

Every one of us is carrying our own baggage of nonsense. Everyone.

Nobody don’t. We just like to pretend to be fine and happy all the time.

Every stranger we see on the street. If we speak to them long enough, you will know in this way--- we are indifference.

Once while I thought my problem was the biggest problem in the whole world.

Nobody would be experiencing that much pain than I did.

I was shamelessly wrong.

Next time if you feel like you have touched the dead-end.

Try this.

Hold your breath till you gasp.

There! This is life.

Where there is breath, there is life.

Where there is life, there is hope.

And so, every morning I wake up.

Learning to be grateful for being able to breathe at ease.

All others things that follow, is already a bonusJ

Resuming into routine. Same spot. Many different thoughts.

It’s been a while since I get myself to doodle on the keyboard.

Today is a good day.

Today is the right mood to get my fingers to dance in prints of thoughts.

Done with an early morning class. No practice on ladies holiday.

I slot my Mac Air in my bag and headed out.

I like dawn. My mind is clearer and I get to enjoy every bloom of the morning, better.

I go to the same Starbucks every time when I’m in town; the one just beside Wheelock.

More accurately, I like the bench- table that smacks right in the middle of the interior.

It seems to be tailored according to my physical measurements.

I would always take on the same corner seat, facing the glass door; that’s my comfortable spot.

At least my short-distanced lower limbs get a leg-rest, instead of dangling in the mid-air. Tucked myself under the table—and everything sets off after a sip of coffee or tea. 

Today, I had an Americano. It tasted less sour than the last time I had it (many months ago), I prefer it this way.

Sometimes, we could possibly know the outcome of the beverage just by looking at the person who prepares it--- in this case, he is in a good mood.

Cozy and spacy, many of my blog posts and creative ideas happened here.

Most students got their engine started on regular practice—I get to see some of them more often.

It was interesting to see where the practice has taken them.

To take their practice beyond the physical plane, I would usually want to have a quick post-practice chat.

I’m happy that this time, they are starting to break down into pieces in front of me. And I’ve gotten used of tears and wailing.

Revealing a little of what’s under those layers, it makes my work--- of working with them back on the mat easier.

Fortunately, most didn’t like how I was “ hammering” them initially.

But were relieved and happy to drop the cover of pretense to let out--- and allowing me to see what they had been hiding inside them all these while.

The trip to Mysore, India last year, those lessons slowly came into light when I resume teaching.

" A good teacher doesn’t pamper the students."

~ Sharath Jois, addressing to the question on the quality of a teacher during the weekly conference.

A Worthy Barter Trade.

15 more days and its time to depart for home, I’m counting my days left in Mysore.

I miss my clean nails, well-managed hair, uncracking heels, clean drinking water straight from the tap, walking the street with a little more peace of mind, clean air, the convenience of public transport, consuming ice cubes, salads & sushi without having to think about chances of getting bad tummy, dustless floor…

I am a city girl after all.

4am, what will you be doing at this time friends?

Snoozing in dreamland, maybe?

I’m standing in the bathroom, looking at my messed up  hair, half-woken face… brushing my teeth. 

4.30am, what will you doing at this time friends?

Flipping over the otherside getting into a comfortable sleeping position, maybe?

I sat down in the dining area in a quiet morning, sipping coffee in hope to widen my eyes… before heading out.

Sometimes, walking along the dim-lite street at wee hour to the shala, I thought…

“ What am I doing at this hour going for practice… it is just bizarre”

Sometime in life is like that, isn’t it?

Everyday dogs encounter in a morning walk

There is a core and all other stuff just revolves around. 

Somehow, in some way, when we set our eyes on that ONE thing…. we learn how to stop sweating over the small stuffs. 

I constantly remind myself the intention of being in Mysore— not be get suck into the whirlpool of distractions that may deviate me from my personal learning. 

For the fact that, it is not a simple decision to put aside 3 months in Mysore--- the many months before of constant preparation (just to make this trip happen) was also part of the practice. 

Mysore is not a holiday. It’s not a time that we get comfortable or an escape from our problems.

There is a skeleton of disciplined routine we frame ourselves onto--- In that space, in fact, we are digging into our personal issues one by one, laying them in front us—a self-confrontation, is a dirty job.

Along side with the daily practice (without having to worry about work schedule), we learn to figure out a way to manage… there’s just nothing else to busy about except on ourselves.

It is a worthy barter trade of temporary material comfort for lifelong invaluable knowledge. 

We take this gift of knowledge back home, and use it in reality of the world that we are living. Re-entering our world a better person than we first left off.

Penetration beyond the seen to the unseen.

If you have a stuffy nose, the flowers means nothing to you

If you are blind, the light means nothing to you.

If you are insensitive, nothing means anything to you.

~Sadhguru

We grow up on the mat, and mature with the practice.

Well, eventually.

Looking back from who I was, my mindset of practicing in Mysore has definitely evolved.

Getting new poses from Sharath is not too much of a concern--- the intention of grounding myself by threading through the Primary series & breathes with ease is my agenda.

I appreciate the constant reminder by Sharath during the weekly conference; of not putting the physical practice in the limelight---shining the torch onto the values of the system.

One thing that has really expands my spectrum is the behavior of people.

I’ve witnessed the best & the worst in people--- that I’ve felt heart-warmth & disgusted.

The space between dualities is where my perspective expands.

Seeing the happening of dualism: Though there are many pouring questions unanswered, there are too much for me to comprehend on interaction of different minds.

Most of us started the practice on an interest on a very physical level. 

Once comfort sets into gross body & breaths--- it creates a space for us to go deeper. That takes our practice into another dimension of experience.

Penetration, where our practice experience goes beyond poses.

At least, that is how I am feeling in my 2^nd month of practice in the shala.

I guess it’s similar in life. What we see is not usually what we expect to get.

We all behave in a way to portray how we want others to see us.

Penetrates beyond what is presented in front of our eyes--- we witness both the light & the shadow. In there, we derived our own perception of truth.

Our action creates ripples;

Our voice resonates;

Our energy releases vibes;

We being as whom we are,

Are blessed with freedom of choices;

We decide how we want to treat others;

And how want to be treated. 

A good heart never goes wrong.

I particularly love idea of having last pose of the primary sequence--- “ Sethu Bandhasana”. Its translated as “ Bridge”.

The whole practice of the Ashtanga system comes into life when we learn how to build a bridge between the practice on the mat & into our daily living off the mat.

Every time when I spend my 5 breathes of time in the Bridge pose--- it sets as a personal reminder for me….

To bring what the practice had taught me into my daily living, through me.