Knowing Your Worth !

Came across this interesting story recently...

A professor started his lecture take a $20 note from his back pocket and he asked, 
" How many of you would like this note?"

Hands started going up. 

He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you - but first, let me do this."

He proceeded to crumple the $20 note up. He then asked. "Who still wants it?" 
Still the hands were up in the air.

"Well," he replied, "what if I do this?" He dropped it on the
ground and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe. He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty. "Now, who still wants it?"
Still the hands went into the air.

"My friends, you have all learned a very valuable lesson. 

No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because it did not decrease in value. 
It was still worth $20.

Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt by the decisions we make and the circumstances that come our way. 

We feel as though we are worthless; but no matter what happened or what will happen, you will never lose your value. 

We either get devalued by our own insecurities & self-doubts or by the opinions of others.

 

But none of these are necessary.
None of these is going to propel us to move forward.

During our usual meeting after class, my teacher pointed " If you truly know what you are doing, that you are good, you don't have to be in the mercy of others.'

I remember the days when teaching yoga in corporate sectors was challenging for me. I was heavily judged:

- Too young ( i started at 23) CHECKED
- Too little experience CHECKED
- Too expensive CHECKED
- Unacceptable outfit ( slippers) CHECKED
- Bosses & Top management too important CHECKED

Noted.

There was one interesting incident that taught me well.

A yoga-related lunch-time workshop for a company.

The lady who liaised with passed down all judgements * from the above list * at one shot over a brief meeting.

" They are all our top management and bosses. Very important people. Please don't screw up."
" Please wear something that cover the feet, its not very appropriate to have slippers in this building." 

She noted.
 I smiled.

" Will you be joining the class too?" I asked.
" Oh~ no, no."

The following day, i appeared in the class in my usual slippers.
Smiling my way through some rolled-eyes.

The class started with all well dressed-up ladies & gentlemen.

And ended with shoes & socks off, ties off, unbuttoned collars, rolled up sleeves, watches off,  loosen belts, relaxed shoulders and lots of laughter.

The bosses were happy, i was happy & the lady was happy.

So i thought, how was the worrisome before even necessary?

Thankful to that particular day, ( that i would never forget) that i received a great lesson for myself..

People can pass judgements easily on us, that doesn't matter much at all.
More importantly is, what kind judgement are we passing upon ourselves?






 
 

This is how my yoga practice makes HER worry less:)

Really, no matter what age we are at, mum always got something to worry about.
I would usually briefly note mum about my travel plan--- so the scene of mother hen looking for her missing chick frantically will not happen.

Previous years she would never fail to display her unhappiness for my India travel plan.
" mum, i'll be in India for XX months"
" Oh, you better be very careful of the Indians, the news always report....."

" mum, i'll be going to Bangkok myself"
" Oh, Thailand not very safe, there are riots, the Thai can be quite violent, the news reported yesterday..."

" mum, i'm going malaysia"
" Oh, malaysia politics very unstable, and news reported the malaysian..."

" mum i'll be gone for Bali"
" Ah, indonesia very complicated, why you always go this type of dusty places.."
" Not Jarkata, Bali got lots of fresh air.."

" mum, i'm going diving at XX"
" Is it safe, the water not very safe these days.. are there sharks, there are fishes will bite.."

Yesterday...
" mum, i'm going to HK myself next week, not at home for XX days"
" Ah! eh... you be careful.. Hongkong got a lot of robbery and murdering cases"

" Mum, last night Little India has got riot, so we should not stay in Singapore, its not safe anymore.."

Sometimes, i thought. If i were to be an obedient girl to my parents ( which i'm obviously not), i would have missed out so much fun and life experiences.

So, sometimes... maybe most times, i choose not to listen to my parents. For so much investment they had put into our education, i believed i have the ability to make my own decisions and capability to uphold any responsible of those choices.

Once master Paalu, my teacher said how our role as children will switch as we grow. Which in turn, we are slowly taking over the role of being a parents to our aging parents.

I had been thinking, how should we serve our duty as children--- so that parents can worry less...
i mean, they will worry anyway, but maybe lesser..?

For so many times as my mum has been teasing, objecting and even disgusted by the choices i made--- But, one day, she mentioned a line which gave me a reassurance that i'm not too of a bad kid..

I was in the midst of my practice in the living room...

" I don't have to worry about adeline. I know she can take care of herself."
Because, she was actually the one who witness my practice most of the time at home-- shocked by the amount of sweat i can spill,  keeping quiet with an wide eyes when i fell hard missing my balance.

Her words actually fell on me like sparkling dust from heaven.
Great for me, because the last thing i want to give my parents as a grown up kid-- is not to worry about me. They shouldn't.

For all those "unsafe" activities of mine in her eyes, actually makes her less worry about me!


Independency, its another word for freedom. 
I enjoy the feeling of freedom with self- discipline;
Thus my creativity is alive in such a space.

This, i really have to thank yoga practice for teaching me so much about life. 

Discriminate.

He who knows how to preserve energy,

lives a fulfilled life of wisdom.

He who knows how to splurge life force,

lives an unfulfilled life of foolish. 

The wise and unwise,

spaced between the crack of

discrimination, viveka. 

What is the biggest addiction?

Its close to midnight, and before i packed up for a short getaway; i want to pen down this post for a recent conference i was watching on a video by Shivani Kumari. 


I posted a question on my Facebook status 12 hours ago " What is the biggest addiction?" just curious about the responses i might receive.  Some said " chocolate", " shopping", " air", " stalking Facebook postings"...

Among all those varieties displays of addiction--- in my personal view, the biggest addiction is "addiction" itself. Whatever we are addicted to, doesn't matter. It can be drugs, smoking, desserts, food, games... some are even addicted to anger or being in depression.

Any form of addiction that we have, can control us like a puppet.

In the video i was watching by Shivani, interestingly pointed out that the biggest addiction  today--- is using people's lies to feel good about ourselves. Many times we tend to rely on people's opinions to decide how we should feel.

As praises can be as venomous as criticism--- we tend to get affected by either one of them, isn't it?

Say, if someone said i've a beautiful haircut--- my level of " feeling good" shoot up rocket sky. 
If another person said my haircut is really bad--- my level of " feeling good" from that high, thumped straight down to the ground. 
So, now i'm confused how i should feel, happy or not happy? And i go around as for more opinions.

When does public opinions becomes so important to us?
When we don't know ourselves well enough.

When we don't know ourselves deep enough, we lost ground.
We get shaken by others easily. We copy what other people are doing, we lost our originality of being who we are.

Addiction is not a bad thing, or horrible--- if we know how to pull and release them within our grip. We become slaves to addictions---- if we lost grounding and being led by it.

For instance, i remembered a short discussion with a friend earlier back on an addiction for acceptance socially.

Personally, i never agree to the response as " politically correct answer". Which a friend was telling me that we have to sometimes... or most of the time to response in " politically correct answer"--- in another meaning to me is to be a copy cat, even if you disagree deep down inside. 

Honestly, its either i appreciate with sweet words, or i'll speak my silence with a sweet smile.

Are you.... a control freak?

This morning practice with James was quite a humorous one--- i couldn't stop laughing with the rest while we still try to keep our practice going.

There was this lady, who was trying to jump up to a handstand; ideally followed by fall over to a backbend. 

After her many many tries, she still couldn't make herself fall over to the other side. Sulking, she asked James why she couldn't tip over to other side. 

James said, " Just bring your feet to the other side, just fall over. You're controlling to get the balance too much. "

"Shouldn't  falling be much easier than to control. You have way too good control ?!" 

While i heard the other lady said jokingly, " Maybe she's a control freak..?"

James responded as he was pointing to himself,  " I... I don't think there is just one person in this room is a control freaks.!" 

" We all just like to control, as much as we can, aren't we?"

It was an interesting point which i never realized. Because of our fear of falling, the anxiety about the unknown result, we tend to use all our might to control the situation ( by control ourselves and other's too).... to hold on to the zone of expectation. 

I totally understand her situation of not able to tip over to a fall. It all just very mental. 

For so many times when i tried to jump and fall back, always... always when i reached to a point of total balance, i would not want to explore the falling down zone.

Till one day, i got so frustrated with me being such as coward cat, and talked to my brain before i went for my next try " what's the big deal, just fall and roll all over... whatever!" 

The time when i decided to stop playing the role of a control freak, i let go of the rein, and fell l over...

I did fall with a loud "thump!"... but not as tragic as i had always imagine. 

Many times, we find ourselves wanting to take control of our or even others' life too much. And this is taking a huge toll of ourselves--- chunking out pieces and pieces of peace each time.

Be brave enough to loosen the grip, and feel the lightness of everything.

Let it happen, let it be. The way it is. 

"What is will always be.
What is not, never was and never will be."

~ Bhagavad Geeta

Can you wait the wait?

Waves of thoughts came crashing into me recently--- just random. Somehow, the current has been knocking at me stronger each time.

I was flipping the morning newspapers, nothing interesting; kind of boring--- the daily dosage of fear injection into the readers. Usually i'm just browsing the photos and headlines. One of the hot discussions in town i read this morning was checking out the new iPhone 5s. 

What? Is that what we are concern about right now? 

Recently, a few events happened co- currently---

Shirly, my working partner, was talking to me about not delaying a thought or a plan. Which she knows me well enough how indecisive i can be. 

I got to know a few friends & students who had just lost their loved ones. Every time i heard that, there would be a whisper in my ear, " That's life. Just accept it that endings do exist. The point is, you do not know where is the exit. You do not know where is yours, and where's others."

One of the most heart breaking news, which shakes me up quite a bit was about this girl, i never met---

I remembered when i was still studying ( maybe 6 years ago), my school friend mentioned to be about this girl she knew, who got diagnosed with bone cancer. The fact that this girl was much younger than i am, who should be schooling & playing like many of us do--- was fighting her own battle in the hospital. 

After 6 years, yesterday, my friend told me that this girl i never met, had ended her day on earth and proceed on. She was 22. 

I wasn't upset or grieving, but i did had a weird feeling. A feeling of blank- ness. 

I had a recollection, when i was 22, how did i live my life? 

Is that all? A girl i've heard of so much, never met, who had influenced me personally... gone. 

Isn't it time that i should do something instead of just being busy blindly?

I woke up this morning, still pondering on what happened the previous night. Still.

For the first three years when i started my yoga teaching, i could say that i totally push away most invitations & gatherings. It was the time, i wanted to work hard and carved out a path of my own. I practiced, teach classes, attended courses, travel out for more focus practice--- if i've a bit more time, i'll read, talked to my teacher, take rest, cook & eat. I was not even too willing to squeeze out any free time for any social events. Yes, even birthdays, i'm happy to have a simple one with my family. ( But i'm glad my close friends were always persistence about birthday celebration)

Was neither keen nor excited about it---  i was busy enough already, i was happy. 

Today, i can say that i could manage time better, striving for a all rounded balance in different relationships. I learn to appreciate the people around me who has been trying to maintain the connections, that i sort of was taking their presence for granted. 

Along in the of our busy days, we been through daily events after events, met people after people, making promises after promises, plans after plans--- but nothing really happen.

There are many flying declaration i gave to others and to myself. But whenever i got so caught up with my work, i tagged those plans as " Waiting list".

Since whatever i had been thinking through for the past few days, i've decided that i'v work hard enough-- and start doing the thing, going to places and meeting people that i've been planning to of a while. 

Wait and see. Is something i like to do.

But also understand this: Wait, but not for too long. Because we do not know how much time we or the other person got to spare. 

Just by being soft, is strong.

Today is a moon day, and in the Ashtanga Yoga tradition, we take a day rest off from the regular practice. Its not a strict rule, just a guideline--- i mean, nothing really bad is going to befall if a full practice is done on moon days.

So, instead of slumping in my bed the whole morning, hoping the tightness & soreness will melt away by itself; i decided to dedicate today's practice just to stretch, nothing else.
Given the strong practice of Ashtanga Vinyasa method, i felt my body has been going through war zone these couple of weeks.

Top- up with a hectic schedule, i do felt the tension creeping into my--- which sometimes i mistook it as gaining strength. The difference between strength & tensed up is TIRED. 

In some way or another, all of us has forgotten the feeling of being soft. 

Taking 75minutes of my time, I got into a couple of very simple stretches, and it got deeper by holding each pose for at least 5 minutes.

And during that period, i enjoyed how the muscle fibers being elongated and then loosen; creating spaces in betweens. Just like how a lump of dough is being rolled, pulled and finally strung into noodle stripes.

The feeling of being soft is wonderful--- its not a sign of weak. Softness allows us to enter an area to be in touch with the core strength & tap into the potential of ourselves.

Just like liquid water can quench our thirst smoothly but not solid ice cubes--- and the difference is MELTING INO SOFTNESS.

Not forgetting to wrapped up the practice with a beautiful Butterfly hip- opening --- which serves a purpose of release any well- hidden anxieties & emotions;

Fish chest- opening--- that well served the idea of expanding the chest area, opening the heart center, readily receive the uplifting energy that the universal has to offer our life.

And of course, take some rest for the all time favorite: Savasana

When your practice doesn't "work" for you. Ditch that Blue- print!

A the back of my mind, always reminding myself that we have to keep an open mind when entering into daily practice. Accepting the condition of the body for that particular practice.

 But I do caught myself a few times recently, feeling ridiculed by the tightness that are appearing at the spots that weren’t before! Whenever I reached to a deep- twisted pose (Mariachi D), I couldn’t close one eye about starting to struggles to get hold of the position. 

Then, it came the deep- flexion movement of the spine (Supta kumasana); gotten all amused by the stiffness along my spine.

Those two poses, which I had been spending most effort, time & patience with for the past couple of years; the moment when I felt most independent and comfortable handling them, it seems that I’m losing it soon.  

My gosh!

What is happening to me? Was it because I’ve tire myself out too much… or was it the heavy dive tank I was carrying previously… or was it my sleeping position was bad?

We often step on the yoga mat bringing a blue print along with us; an expectation drawn in our head, for our body to accomplish. Just like giving a child a piece of homework, and wanting them to bingo the correct answer--- else… it’s negative.

I wasn’t frustrated at all, just that it will keep my wondering the whole while, finding that missing piece of reason that could comprehend my questions.

Today after practice, I went up to James about my concerns.

He asked, “ So, what are the additional poses you have been doing these couple of months?  When did you start doing deep- back bends (referring to kapotanasana), and all those strength work?

Whenever there are changes being introduced into our practice, the body changes, and so does everything you’ve been doing before will get affected too. Nothing’s wrong.”

Now I understood. All along I’d been misunderstood that our practice moves only forward, it can be slow like a snail… but it has to move forward. Taking from another perception, it’s more like a wave effect. Whatever we are doing in the present, it does cause an effect on both the past & future.

Like the waves, it pushes up to the shore; withdraw back to the sea, and pushes forward again & again. Re- visiting yet moving ahead.

 In the practice of Ashtanga, we re- visit the same sequence, the same pose again & again--- however, every entry is a whole new experience. Today we may fly through the whole practice; tomorrow we may be dragging hoping to survive.

I used to compare my own practice taking as reference to my previous ones. But come to think about it, don’t even do anything comparison--- not with others not even to yourself.  Comparison creates an expectation, it makes the practice becomes a rehearsed performance.

Dropping all that, I started to see the bigger picture and inviting more flexibility in the mind. 

There aren’t any correct or incorrect answers; there are only connections between cause & effect.  

Once we learn how to see them, we understand.

Tracing facial lines with my eyes.

For those we know me well enough, I’m a girl that is growing a tree with questions. 

Most questions appear randomly in the morning right after I woke up.

Recently, I was wondering why all babies are born cute and beautiful, but only less than a handful of elderly expired beautifully?  At which point in our life that we stop growing our cute-ness and that we start to become less beautiful?

At which level in our growth we let go the grip of being angelic child- like & swing to the side of a monstrous adult?

I like to look at faces, especially facial lines. I like to trace the facial lines with my eyes; again and again. (If only I could touch it, I will…haha!) What has that particular person been or is going through in life, I wonder.

It does not take one or two times of an expression to form that deeply marked line. It has to be an intense repeated expressions for those line to develop clearly enough for my eyes to trace.

Our facial lines deeply engrave on our skin, is similar to the impressions by the things we do, or the so-called samskara in yoga terms.

 We are brought to this world which just a few basic facial lines. Lines that show when we laugh and cry, how simple!

But as we grow, how many people manage to keep a clean face (not referring to those who inject botox!); how many has vandalized their face full of lines…. of expressions or worrisome; of stress or anxieties.

I like to appreciate the facial lines of people, because it reveals their untold stories.

One day, look at yourself expression-less in the mirror;

Observe your revealing facial line, traced them with your eyes.

Imagine, the person you’re looking at is a stranger….

What story do you see from that person in the mirror?

Keep moving, we just get better & wiser!

In most time, or i should say in all times... we have to learn our lessons before we know how to help others when they turn to us.

Nobody like difficult times, i never appreciate the bad times i was given to; i never want to receive it gracefully with my both hands. As we accumulate our footprints we are leaving behind on this earth, somehow we need to learn how to appreciate whatever that is thrown to us. 

I can't remember if i've ever mentioned it in previous post; but because each of our action does have the ripple effects, till today.

 Two years ago, i was sinking into a dark hole. From the outside, nobody's know... my classes were going on well, i was busy & i do get to do my traveling. From the eyes of strangers, i was the happiest person they met. But, somehow i felt a hole was barring inside me... and i was sinking into it.

In summary: Stagnant. I felt been walking on a plateau as long as i've just realized it. Wasn't comfortable with it at all.

I went to knocked on my teacher's door, had a long chat. He actually did asked many questions, and each question he raised, many other questions came pouring out of me. His words were too blunt for my ears at that time, and i couldn't understand him at all. 

It took my over a year, till recent months then i slowly understood what i should understand.
The interesting part is, when i've slowly figure out my puzzle... peers approached me to share their problems. And its the not same but similar issue i was facing--- i saw who i was in them. 

We all do caught into difficult times at some points in life, some more frequent than the rest, but that's OK. What's the worst going to happen than not able to breath, and wake up the next moment for a chance to set everything right? 

Whatever situation we had travelled to, its a good collection of lessons for our next step. And one day if someone comes to you for direction, you can share your "travel" experience. 

We just get better & wiser, not too bad after all!

Life may not be going well for you now, but as long as you are here,
as long as you press forward, anything is possible.
Hold on to hope.

~ Nick Vujicic

In a leap of faith, i missed a step.

So happy, striking off an item off my bucket list, I've just upgraded my diving skill to an Advanced. 

Ever since i've got my Basic 2 years back, i've honestly just dive once a year. 

Probably my body is not used to the compressed air taken over the weekends, after long hour of sleep, thee's still a little drowsiness left today.

To narrow down to one particular experience i had during the trip; which i had a lot of flash back in that split second...

It was the 3rd dive during my first day over at Tioman, a night dive ( a requirement in the course). 

The first two dives during the day time had more or less sucked off my energy--- struggling to keep my balance while the tank was carrying me, which it should be the other way. The nitrogen was not giving me any extra strength when i needed it most.

After my night dive, which i was totally exhausted physically; quickly walked up the shore.... i've to take a couple of steps up before reaching the foyer. 

So, i put my right foot down on the first step, taking a deep breath to gather all the balance of energy and plan to give myself a push up to bring my left foot up. 

In that split second, my first thought of " what if i fell down" was quickly broken into pieces...

when i remembered my yoga teacher once asked me " how do you know, have you fell down yet?" Nope, not yet, so i should give it a shot. Maybe for once i can climbed those steps which help..

So, the time when i barely lifted my left foot off the sand, my beloved air tank decided to pull me down.. so i landed on that soft sand. Later did i realized that my diving instructor was behind and quickly unloaded my gears. hope it didn't scare him too much that i turned-turtle!

Was i scared or was there pain? No, i guessed i as too drained entertained any fear :)

Everyone deserves.

Over the yoga workshop i was attending during this trip, the teacher mentioned
" Everyone wants happiness, and everyone deserves to be happy." 

Which is not untrue at all!

Ask any one who succumbed to yoga practice, after trying all sorts of other methods trying to find the point of being happy; everyone who enter the yoga room, with an intention to travel to a spot of comfort-ness, an intention to be happy and a state of blissfulness.

Many people may walked out of the practice room carrying couple of muscles aches ( that may last for days even!); but i'm sure, they will be glowing from the inside ( an feeling of unknown joy) smiling.
While we are busying searching for the things that we want to depend on to me a happier being, yoga practice tells us " its already here". We are sort of blind in some way.

In the journey of entering into the yoga world, we starts to uncover many "ugly" issues of ourselves. Be it, the unexpected conditions of our flesh or the turbulences of emotion we are trying to manage daily; we learn how to love all of them as well; because it part of us.

We need to appreciate ourselves, that includes our flaws too! 
Many times, we tend to put ourselves down by comparing our flaws with others. But come to think of it, who doesn't have flaws? We just have different flaws.

The workshop was physically challenging, which forced us to really keep our focus tight enough to keep moving forward. Anyone could have just throw a white flag and walk out of the class, but no one did.
While the tough got tougher, students in the room started to talk about how their bodies or inexperience of practice years hasn't been helpful for certain movements or poses.
Which by talking more of these, would eventually pull down their own morale.

The teacher ( Ajay) emphasized on the point that everyone has to accept and love whatever bodily conditions their parents gave them. No matter what, we are beautiful in our own way. Our body is a machines that we need it to operate our task, that's why its important for us to maintain it properly for better function.

To any teachers, achieving the final pose is never the most important task. The sturdy foundation has to be there, and constant progression of hard work are what matter. Everyone is different, some people starts early, some late; it doesn't matter at all... so long as we started doing something now. Now.

A sharp mind has a clear vision, sees little but reality truth. 
A mind clouded by perceptions, see a lot, but deluded tricks. 

Repeated mistakes are mistakes. New mistakes are lessons.

As the yoga sutra mentioned sthira suhkam asanam ( steady & at ease in a position).

That's what we has always been working towards to, be at ease. But what's next?

Recently, i didn't feel too much of sukam; rather more discomforts and a whirlpool of emotions stirring inside. Most of the time, i just feel a gush of anger. No, i'm not angry with anything or anyone, the feeling just arises almost caught me at a loss of what was actually happening to me.

Once, my practice came to a point where i was pretty comfortable with; as my physical body was able to manage the practice almost smoothly. Which i almost fell into the area of being too comfortable, or rather, complacent.

My practice got a little bit more intense than before, as more new poses are introduced from the teacher;

which as means that i'm exploring into unfamiliar grounds. The discipline of the series does not allow the practitioner to pick whatever pose that we like to practice on; by having to follow the sequence, i can't avoid difficult situation, but to face it.

More effort, more struggles, more body aches, more falls and more attempts is pushing myself to maximize my boundary. 

Emotions arises, emotions that triggers past memories arises too. I didn't really like it, not too sure when did it creep  back into my mind again. 

Past memories just surface up whenever they like to, so does fear and anger. 

While busy struggling with my physical practices, overcoming myself for the many attempts to continue; the negative emotions are not helping me to feel any better, but worse.

There will be some point that when the recollections showed up, i felt so upset inside, at a loss of how i should handle it. Suddenly, every fibre of my muscles started to fall apart, and i could not muster any strength to move on at all. 

I even almost wanted to give it all up, slumber down on my mat and cry out loud. Phew! I didn't.

Somehow every time i manage to pull my focus back and kept reminding myself to move on. 

Pull back very muscles fibre and be stronger. 

James mentioned " Makes different mistakes.  Don't keep making the same mistakes in a row and expect to get different results!"

We love making same mistakes, and we do get comfortable making the same mistakes, out of fear.

It sounds stupids, but its true. A mistake is a mistake, if we repeat them. A mistake is a lesson if we don't repeat them. 

That's what happened to our past memories; it kept popping up, because i did't handle it the way i should be.

Yoga practices, has the ability to dig into our old accounts of our past deeds. Whether we want to start anew fresh life or not, we can't run away from our unsettled old debts. I don't like it, but i'm not running or avoiding from it. 

I'm willing  to work hard to handle every bad debts that i've accrued.

So, does practicing yoga actually make us more calm? 

Yes, after the crazy hard work of handling thunderstorms within us. 

Then, why work so hard to fight the thunderstorm? I don't know.

What i do know, is that there are so many question inside me, that the material world can't satisfy me.

There are so many wonderful experience i want to be in touch with that i couldn't get it from the outside. I do taste that sweetness of honey after each thunderstorm i've fought with, 

and i want more of it. 

The Pandora Box- A box that can't close, once opened.

手不要坏， 去掀开不想看的东西！

This is one line i will remind myself harshly if i get too curious, if i keep on digging into stuff that does not lift me up, but drags me down.
Being quite a curious person, i always have more than a handful of questions, that brings me to hunt for more. The more i know, does not necessarily answer my questions. Sometime it become even questionable. After a while, i feel that this is not good, i need to know when to stop digging too much.

Have you been in situations when you so much wanted to know but yet being afraid of knowing it?
If one go ahead to find it all out, one may fall into the struggles of emotion, when we are actually not ready to comprehend it.

Here, i am not supporting the idea of " ignorance is bliss"( someone said " ignorance is bliss, till it get you") . There are knowledge we ought to be expose to; and there are informations which we shouldn't even be bothered about.

There are knowledge that triggers your desire, pulling us into traps of maya (delusions), tangling about in struggles. There are knowledge that lead us out of these commotions. How to differentiate it?

Personally, i would ask a second question.
" How is this search of curiosity going to benefit me?"

As mentioning about benefits, i'm not referring to materially/ physical  benefits, or taking some goods from the others. The benefits refers to our general well- being, at least for self- knowledge and learning;
Does acquiring this certain information makes me a wiser person? I'm i ready to accept whatever that i am going to uncover?

Wanting to know too much is not a bad thing. I would rather prefer to say that, information should be uncovered at the right time, so that it can bring us to uncover the next lesson.

Don't be too greedy to know too much. When too much information flows in at one go, one may not be able to understand and comprehend the intent message, and thus may misunderstood and act upon it in ignorance.

This post is triggered by an Art event i attended last evening. There' was this visual and sound display, where the visual effect was drawn "live" on the screen. Random strokes by the artist. It took me a while to understand what the artist was trying to do. Subtly, i made it out a box, a hand and a little girl coming out of the box. And i thought of the Pandora Box.

We all know about the concept of Pandora Box. I am the person who like to open the boxes. Later to learn that once the box is opened, it can't be closed. The tales that flows out of the box is unstoppable. While i was the one who decided to open it, sometimes i just have to force myself to accept the unacceptable. 
Being a little wiser, a little less greedy now, i do want to take more responsibility of the chosen box that i decide to open. 

Magnification of the mind

Our mind is like a magnifying glass;

wherever we decided to focus on,

the object grows bigger, coming closer to us.

Choose wisely. 

We can either magnify events that brings us closer to our dreams;

or those nitty gritty that may jeopardize our plan.

No such thing as ' common sense'

There is no such thing as " common sense". I used to thought there was, but no... there isn't.

From child, i really thought that we have something call ' common sense', as told & taught by our teachers, peers and parents. And if one doesn't react accordingly as being ' common sensible', is consider weird, silly or stupid.

As i grow up, i starts to break free from this ability call ' common sense'. Because, personally, i begin to realized that being ' common sensible' is build upon the creation of others' expectation on us. We have to react according to the expected or so- called politically acceptable behavior of the others, then we are normal. At the same time, this set of expected reaction build walls of fear of being ourselves and different.

We have the 5 senses, of which, each carries a purpose of its existence. However, " common sense' is not a sense of any function, is a creation in the mind of others into us; and we into others. It makes us want to be acceptable socially by living in mind of others, fitting into their set of puzzle, being with the norm.

What's common for one mind, is uncommon for the other. What's normal for one person, is abnormal of the others'. Drop the 'common' and be the 'sense'. So long as our behavior is authentically from us, and making full sense to us; it may be total nonsensical to others.

Who cares? If the others wants to understand it, they'll ask. No worry.