18 August 2013

Can you wait the wait?

Waves of thoughts came crashing into me recently--- just random. Somehow, the current has been knocking at me stronger each time.

I was flipping the morning newspapers, nothing interesting; kind of boring--- the daily dosage of fear injection into the readers. Usually i'm just browsing the photos and headlines. One of the hot discussions in town i read this morning was checking out the new iPhone 5s. 
What? Is that what we are concern about right now? 

Recently, a few events happened co- currently---
Shirly, my working partner, was talking to me about not delaying a thought or a plan. Which she knows me well enough how indecisive i can be. 

I got to know a few friends & students who had just lost their loved ones. Every time i heard that, there would be a whisper in my ear, " That's life. Just accept it that endings do exist. The point is, you do not know where is the exit. You do not know where is yours, and where's others."

One of the most heart breaking news, which shakes me up quite a bit was about this girl, i never met---

I remembered when i was still studying ( maybe 6 years ago), my school friend mentioned to be about this girl she knew, who got diagnosed with bone cancer. The fact that this girl was much younger than i am, who should be schooling & playing like many of us do--- was fighting her own battle in the hospital. 

After 6 years, yesterday, my friend told me that this girl i never met, had ended her day on earth and proceed on. She was 22. 
I wasn't upset or grieving, but i did had a weird feeling. A feeling of blank- ness. 
I had a recollection, when i was 22, how did i live my life? 

Is that all? A girl i've heard of so much, never met, who had influenced me personally... gone. 
Isn't it time that i should do something instead of just being busy blindly?
I woke up this morning, still pondering on what happened the previous night. Still.

For the first three years when i started my yoga teaching, i could say that i totally push away most invitations & gatherings. It was the time, i wanted to work hard and carved out a path of my own. I practiced, teach classes, attended courses, travel out for more focus practice--- if i've a bit more time, i'll read, talked to my teacher, take rest, cook & eat. I was not even too willing to squeeze out any free time for any social events. Yes, even birthdays, i'm happy to have a simple one with my family. ( But i'm glad my close friends were always persistence about birthday celebration)
Was neither keen nor excited about it---  i was busy enough already, i was happy. 

Today, i can say that i could manage time better, striving for a all rounded balance in different relationships. I learn to appreciate the people around me who has been trying to maintain the connections, that i sort of was taking their presence for granted. 

Along in the of our busy days, we been through daily events after events, met people after people, making promises after promises, plans after plans--- but nothing really happen.

There are many flying declaration i gave to others and to myself. But whenever i got so caught up with my work, i tagged those plans as " Waiting list".
Since whatever i had been thinking through for the past few days, i've decided that i'v work hard enough-- and start doing the thing, going to places and meeting people that i've been planning to of a while. 

Wait and see. Is something i like to do.

But also understand this: Wait, but not for too long. Because we do not know how much time we or the other person got to spare. 

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