12 August 2013

No Fear, No Fun.

After today's practice, it reminded of a friend who said, " sometimes we have to reset our fear".
Yes, i think i'm resetting my fear, or i discovered a new level of fear this morning.

Every since, for so many sessions, religiously practice till the last pose I've received from James. While still trying to figure out ways to perfect the movement, hoping that i wouldn't get the jumping handstand till maybe another month ( i'm not at all ready for that! i enjoy seeing people around me doing it though.) or even till next year, i'm happy with what i've now.

Happily, while waiting for James to help me with the drop- back and i could finish up my practice ( my back was already sore, so tempted to just take rest any time); he stopped and gave me a new pose.
I was happy, it was very manageable & not too difficult.
Then again, James gave me another new pose, " jump into a handstand" he instructed.
Honestly, i went blank for a few seconds, so fast?!  I've been up on a handstand before, but not the way he wanted.

A part of me was excited, a part of it was in dread.
I've no idea where will i land after the jump; he didn't said what's after my feet came flying up? He said, " Just jump up" --- that's the fear--- of the unknown outcome.

James probably sensed my stress for trying to hit the red bull's eyes, then explained the purpose for me was not to hold a handstand; but rather to explore the possibilities after the jump--- ok, he want me to flip and experience the falling over.

While the kicking up was not as bad as i thought, wriggling my toes in the mid air was not too scary too; the tipping over to the other side... did scare the shit out of me.

" If you landed back to where you started, great"
" If you can balance in the mid air, great"
" If you fall over to the other side, its great too!"

" The point is, we have to learn how to crash over before we know how to balance."
I'm not quite sure if i'm challenging the mind for the fear of falling down, or opposing the responses of reflex action. If the kick went smoothly, it would bring me to a moment of tipping over  that i would pull back my feet last minute. ( like the movie " Inception" where there's a short moment of free- falling to wake the people up from dreams")

Few months ago, i thought jumping to Crane pose was a breakthrough to my personal fear of falling. Not anymore. This, is my new fear.
Never mind, i'll give it a try.

Just like what Sharath always said, " No Fear, No Fun".

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