21 October 2013

Yes, i'm dropping out two months for myself.

I can feel the holiday breeze kissing my cheeks, and i'm outrightly counting down to the day i'm taking myself off from any teaching for at least the next two months.

As much as i love my profession, i've arrived at the stage that i do also yearn very much to be just a student. Just this year, i did experience some points of burnt out, which i really dread it. There'll be months i got so caught up with classes, and struggled to pull myself back to the mat. 

Even if i managed to, i became impatient with my practice and injured myself literally in my own hands. Understanding from the yoga sutra that mentioned in the first chapter how the fluctuation of the thoughts can easily push us off track. 

This year was special, when the profile of my students shifted from physical aliments, to mental and emotional pains. As from them, i slowly discover how the symptoms of persistent physical aliments lead us to the seed--- in most causes, the inability to manage the negative emotions. 
In my case, i'm checking out "depression." 

No matter how much "non- attachment" i've been reading and applying for the past few years; to be honest, i do get affected by some of the students. Or probably i should say i'm not really ready for it, but i'm not giving it up.

As my usual routine was to retreat myself in mysore, back to basic, lots of space for some thought pondering, big sky, simple food, reading, practice and lots of sleep. This year i'm not heading to Mysore, instead to bali for a short break. 
 I'm very happy to get my advanced dive license just few months back, and definitely going to explore the sea or even a few short trips to the beaches is great.
Even if i'm in town, i've promised myself not to touch any teaching class for the two months--- and i'll take the opportunity to do nothing at all, i'm happy with that! 

Some people was concerned about how am i going to survive without income--- no problem,  i'll earn it later.
Money at this point, shouldn't be a hindrance to self- discovery. If i can survive that little before, why can i today? 

As much as i do understand some experienced teachers could constantly straddle between giving and receiving and even striking a balance comfortably; i've not. Still being green, i do swing between burnt out, or wanting give up altogether. 

I have this burning fire in my stomach to learn ( not necessarily yoga related, on anything), to see more and to dive deeper in the ocean of life-- and for that to happened, i need space and time away from the daily routine, out from my comfortable couch and place my both feet on the unbeaten path.


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