" A man sows a seed and after many years it sprouts. In the meantime, he has forgotten he had sown the seed. In this way, we go on missing everything, every moment that when it is time to reap, we look for reasons to justify the consequence. What suffering!!!"
I read this on Facebook, posted by my teacher, Master Paalu two weeks ago. Till today, i'm still pondering about it.
Sometimes in split moments, i wonder whether if its really good to continue the practice, i seems to have been more troubled than i used to be. It seems that i've been self- digging too much, and struggle to handle when i see so much more work is pouring out within me.
Being always thought that i'm one of the most chilled- out girl in the family or even among friends, oh... actually i've so much of distress and anger well- hidden. And as i read the above post, all the drowning i'm filling now is probably the seeds i've sowed years before, but i've choose to erase it.. i thought i'd, apparently there's no such thing as "delete" button in life... and i see it sprouting.
I see those seeds sprouting into weeds that tries to fight to live in my garden. I am going to weed all of you off! That's probably what i am trying to do now, weeding... and its darn tiring!
I remembered vividly in the class, my teacher said, " don't anyhow go spread your seeds anywhere...". I took it as a joke, literally. Now, i understand.
Tending our own backyard of flowers are not enough, we need to attend to the weeds too. By un- rooting them, we allow space for the good seeds to bloom flower and bear fruits with sweetness. In the practice of discrimination power viveka, i understand that there are things i can grow, and there are things i need to clear them off. Within that frustration or annoyance that my bad seeds i've sown is threatening the growth of my beautiful garden, i transform this anger into the sacred fire tapas, the zeal to weed them personally.
And this really put a big test on my patience and faith. However long it is going to take, i'll do it.