Yoga teaching, was not my dream; But something i want to do.

I've came across or read about how yoga teachers came into this practice due to some form of injuries;
and eventually teach when they got recovered through yoga practices.

Be it physical, mental or emotion--- there's a part of the self who's in search of some kind of healing--- which later to realized that popping pills is not the best way; ignoring the injuries does not help either.

I was just sharing with a friend today the exact moment when i know that  yoga is something i want to invite to my life and sharing it to the community through teaching.
It was my first yoga class, after the point when the yoga teacher made an adjustment to the Shoulder Stand i was in. There was this fleeting joy i felt, and this feeling stays in my memory till today.

I probably enter into this path not due to any physical injuries, but an emptiness--- where i was searching for something to fill the hole ( my teacher would call this as " confused soul").
That special comfort moment i felt in that yoga class---i would like to call this feeling " home". You know, like going back home after a hard day work, being yourself comfortably. 

But this little home is not created for and by anyone ( not your parents, not the bricks and roof top), its a little cozy place that you can reside to heal and grow. A silent peace and joy.

Because i wanted to find out more what this exactly was, that i kept going to yoga classes and eventually teaching.

It was not my dream to become a yoga teacher ( seriously i did not even know that i'll become one)--- my teacher, master paalu was the first person who opened the door of possibilities to me.

However somehow, i was answered without even realizing the question I've been always asking myself about life all the while. 

Someone who practice yoga, does not mean it'll or must lead to becoming a teacher. Practicing yoga is about self- management so that we can keep our life and work operating smoothly.

The path less traveled, is not too easy.

Once a friend said that it is always too challenging to take the path less traveled; because its almost an opposing direction we're moving against.
The initial idea to opt for choices less chosen is surely very much excited; but one may eventually feel too drained out moving against old habits and temptation; or even constantly having to cool the opposition down.
Many slowly choose to drop out of being " different" and join the rest in the mass traffic flow.

Sometimes, there's this strong belief we can see, that others can't. There's no way we can even describe or explain this vision to others.
There are times when others try to talk you out that our beliefs are pure fallacies. If they succeed to talk you out, they would feel more justified by their practice is "right". Otherwise, your strong beliefs will make them insecure about themselves.

My mum has never belief that vegetarianism can give us enough energy to operate our daily tasks. I still remember that i was so nervous to tell her that my decision of cutting away meat from my meals. Her exclamation of protesting to prepare my meal, happened for a few weeks.

When i was learning to prepare my own meal, my mum would peep to see how's like. Soon, she took over the task, and supported cutting down animals on the plate for health reasons.

Holding different way of thoughts will also lead to strong reactions from all around. So, how strong the fire inside us to keep our vision burning brightly? Strength, dedication and determination ( as quoted by Kino Macgregor)

I like to use the example of snapping of a rubber band. There are many moments, that just a little more effort against the resistance, the rubber band would snap, and it freedom! But too many time, we can tired just at that last step and bounced back speedily to the original form.

We have a choice to belief in what we want, or to ask ourselves to believe in that poplar "logic". Its not an easy task--- to care about what we think about ourselves than to care about what others think about us.

Want the truth... no cheating first!

Whenever we meet the practice of asteya or non-stealing, commonly taking it literally as not to rob or trying to own what does not belong to us.

My teacher, master paalu once pointed a different angle on this principal, and its relationship asteya can build a bridge towards the ultimate truth within us.
He says, " No cheating. Don't cheat others, don't even try to cheat yourselves."

This may sound a little harsh initially, but the bluntness present its clarity. Many people, you and i even, tries and is cheating ourselves every day. And we send ourselves to sleep with a closing thought: Everything's OK
.
There are things that i secretly know that is not going at the right way, but because i insistently wanting them to happen, so i keep telling myself " Its OK". The the mind pushes my boundaries of accepting more things that i do not really want to face, but i still tell myself " I'll be OK."

I stepped onto my yoga mat, during the practice; i kept having those thoughts running in my head.
Every time when i say " Its ok"--- there's an inner voice replied " No its not." 
" Its going to be just fine"
" No, its not. Adeline you know it. You felt that crunch in your stomach !"
" I know i'm ok, if i just have to keep doing it"
" Come on! Stop lying."

Only at the time when i broke my practice halfway,
when i had a suddenly lost of urge to continue-- i admitted that things were not going right for me.

Yes, of course, i can choose to ignore and follow through my plan But deep down inside i know i would not be happy for long, and this will affect the others too. The self- cheating comes forth when we direct our energy away from our focus, by doing what we don't actually want. And drifting further and further away from the little chest-box in our heart center.

There're path and life map and plans already for ourselves. The suggestion from the outside ( be it family, relatives or friends) at many times can be a huge distraction; that we eventually taking time to fulfill their life plan instead of ours.

Master Paalu says, " To practice Satya, practice Asteya first. Only when we stop cheating ourselves to please others, the truth will come."

Ujjayi moments of Self- practice

Of all yoga practices, self-practice presents itself as the most challenging practice of all. My teacher, Master Paalu once said, " We are not talking about how much we can do, we're talking about sustainability."

For many, even myself, started self- practice with full of enthusiasm, balls of fires rolling, woke up even before the alarm ticks... and this probably last for about couple of months...only.

Boredom arises, snooze for a few minutes more after the alarm went off, washes up with closed eyes, drags myself to the mat, cursing and swearing for the stiff- stick body. Sometimes, even a little nap in sweats. Many teachers and practitioners eventually gave up the idea of doing self-practice, because it turn out to be too much of a torment. 

Self- practicing is like a farmer taking care of his crops. Everyday, he waters,  he fertilizes, he weeds, he sows... and he'll let them grow. However dry private practices it may be, i cannot deny the fact that i still enjoy moment every time. 

There were poses that was once " impossible" were made " possible" in unexpected moments during self- practices. When the left hands grabs on the right in Marichi D; when yoga shows that my chunky thighs is possible for Kumasana... a let out a whisper of victory " yes, i got it!". 

Its not about how many poses i can achieve that marks my satisfaction of the practices; rather i understand and able to self- check that the system and methodology of practice is suitable for me to keep going. The whole idea of self-practice is to be able to learn independently without the presence of external teacher. 

Many people practice for their teachers, or to please the teachers. Eventually their practice ceases when the teacher is not around anymore. There's sentence i read somewhere in a magazine: You just need to know how's your practice, and you'll know how's your life been treating you.

Practice.. practice... practice... and all is coming.

~ Sri K Patthabi Jois

Life Adjustments

There are time when yoga teacher steps onto our mat, stand close by us, adjust the posture and leave us on our own.
Some teachers come forth with a strong grip, and release till the student is ready to hold the pose independently. Some with a rough touch, and leave abruptly which may even cause a fall. Some are just like passers-by, walk pass us with a light touch.

Living out of the mat, people walk into our life to make some adjustment to us, and leave. It may be friends, families, gurus or soul mates. Eventually, the time when we allow them to enter out circle, there will be a time when they will have to leave the circle when the necessary adjustments has happen.

I'd once got an adjustment from a teacher, which made me really uncomfortable. I was lifted off from the mat, and the teacher released me suddenly--- i almost bang my face into the wall. Whether the adjustment was beneficial, a lesson learnt; a note for myself that i would not do this to others.

In life, we do meet people who adjust us to be more align; there are ones who give us misalignment. In one way or another, they will take their leave and its for us to stand alone. We either manage to stand firm before their departure--- we proceed on. Or tumble down to a fall--- we learn the harder way of picking up and get back to work.

Practice discrimination. Discriminate your practice.

It is so interesting, one hand there are students who push their way through for a hard core practice; on the other hand there are those who move reluctantly. The fine line that cuts between his two is " practice with wisdom".

A lady was telling me about her herniated disc problem that the doctor advice to practice the back- bends, but to avoid the forward- bends. She came up asking for a second opinion what should be done. I supported the idea on using the muscles around the spine all around: forward, back and twist. To do it with care, she probably can be gentler on flexing her spine forward.

" That's the problem! I can't get myself to back off a little. If i bend forward, i like to max it out." 

Engaging in a yoga practice comes forth for an initial thought of relieving the discomforts in our body. But many time as our practice slowly develops, our focus shifted in feeding what our ego ( mind) wants it to be--- and stop serving the body. 

When this happens, we are doing more harm than good to ourselves; and this is not Yoga practice anymore.

I've heard many people got themselves injured everywhere after yoga classes. Later to know that, they are treating their old injuries harshly with multiple falling from handstands and the advance poses--- and inviting new injuries. 

Viveka or discrimination. Practice with discrimination. For a body with injuries, choose the suitable practice for recovery and healing; instead of beating hard on the wounds. Know the limit of the body by practicing wisdom, and discriminate the mind (ego) for hindering the process.

   

So what if we can finally kick up to a handstand steadily, coming down with another injuries to attend to?

Once, Master Paalu mentioned that one can never get enlightened in an extreme condition.
In relation to being "enlightened", it is not referring to follow a path of becoming a sage or a saint; rather in a human way in this society. Beyond physical and sense stimulation level of activities.

Being able to be born as a human being, we have ample chance to live beyond a life of animals. There are more than just survival needs, more than just pure animal instinct, in the way we operate our life. But our mind, often terrorist our humanity, and we, actually allowing it to take over this operations.

Each of us has a thought to bear a fruit of our dreams; but the seed seldom bears any fruit. Because we like to put ourselves in extreme ( sense stimulating) conditions. We want to lead a life of a roller- coaster, that our energy level fluctuate like stock market. How can this seed even root properly for further growth?

It is just like a child, who keep running about the classroom. When will he be able to finish his homework, when his focus is scattered? Only when he stops, going everywhere... then he can get his work done.

Being in extreme weather ( too cold or too hot) causes illness to the body.
Being in extreme activities ( intense stress or laziness) causes illness to the mental.
Being in extreme emotional hypes ( intense love or hate) causes illness to the soul.
If one keep moving from one end to another end, no fruitful work will happen.

Its always a debate over the intellectual ( mind) and intelligence ( intuition).
When the intellect can analyse the known, while the intelligence can reveals the unknown.
Where the mind moves to the extreme points, the intelligence in equilibrium flow.

With the mind, we gain book knowledge. It tells us the step-by-step of growing a tree, and getting the fruits.

Withe intuition, we again wisdom. It teaches us how to grow a tree that can bears sweet fruits.