Living in the numbness of fear. The Crow did not fly today.

For such long time, and still I'm thinking--- what which point, what factor that trigger us to learn and move forward?
Instead, today i explored the other end of thought--- what trigger us not want to learn; at which point that we decided not want to move any step further?

Sure that there are many factors, and one of them is fear.
I have many, so many that did not even realize their existence. This morning in practice, i met one of them.
I was on this transition of jumping from downward facing dog to a crow pose.

Teacher Olivia instructed, " jump FORWARD".
That split second when i see my face so close to the floor, the feet landed and stopped me from moving forward. That's pretty frustrating.
Many tries, it didn't happen today. Maybe tomorrow:)

After the class, i was thinking what was pulling me back? Fear of falling. The same feeling when my longest toes could not reach the ground on a bicycle in Germany.
Fears under suppression are ignored. Fears when exposed are a kind of discomfort.

Heard how people don't mind living within the border of fears;
Seen how people don't mind living in numbness of discomforts;
Met the operation of lives according to their fear, just to get that little satisfaction;
and they told me, " That's life".

My teacher, master Paalu once said, " Don't fight, we conquer". I always keep this with me.
I'm learning to stop avoiding and just looking those inner fears; instead to walk through them and shatter them into atom-size particles.

Acting upon fear is like drinking acid, eroding us from the inside out.
Pretty sure that i'm still sipping some acid down my throat, i'm cutting down the liters!