Move a muscle, change a feeling.

Sometimes, during practices some thoughts would break in and disturb the flow. When the inferno rose in my body, the explosion of the sweat droplets from my skin and the great effort of piping my inhalations and exhalations.... and a thought will kicked in, " Why are you working so hard for?".

Sometimes i ignore it and keep to my practice. At times, i stopped and sat down on the mat and give a little space for thought. One teacher pointed out, " We work hard now to make things easier for our future."

Yes, even if its for no particular reason or for myself. We want to work hard today for a better tomorrow. Not working hard to make things more difficult.

Each step we're stepping into is a step to an anonymous and a confirmation of our capability to live a better life.

Why are we doing what we are doing?

Why are we doing what we are doing?
Because everybody's is doing this, my parents' expectation, schools taught us, my friends are doing it...
These could become a reason to blame for our unhappiness and sorrows towards the end of our path.

Many times, we want to believe that the things we do must comes with reasons. We want to do things because of something or someone; so if anything goes wrong, at least we can hold them responsible. We don't show it upfront in our face ( we all are good actors), but we're thinking like that... right at the back of our head.

We want to convince others that we're a successful person by fitting into their perception of what a success is. We even want to make ourselves to believe that what we're doing will make us happy. We want to make others to agree with us by doing what's agreeing to them.

When there's something or someone that can benefit us the way we want, we're good to them. When it come to the point that we've reap the benefits, we just store them aside. The whole relationship becomes a " contract service". Some may disagree, but do spend sometime processing and we'll see beyond the superficial.

Most time our action is lead by our thoughts. And thoughts itself is an act. An act that is not seen by others, but only us. And only we know the truth and intention of our behaviors. We tend to hide our thoughts by conditioning our actions--- because we fear of being exposed.

If there's anything that need to be back by an explanation for our action, then probably its an conditioned act instead of a reflection of our thoughts. When all things happen naturally, happen for reasons... not explanations.

Can i see myself doing what i am doing now for the next 5 years? Can i see myself being a friend with the person for the next 5 years? this is one question i'll always ask myself often; that i don't want anyone or anything to be responsible for the falls and bumps i got into. Because, i chose it, that i can even save any explanation for myself.

Sweet it with Dhristhi...

Do only people who practice yoga has got this thing call.... dhristhi?
Then i would quote from TK.V. Desikachar: "Anybody can breathe. Therefore anybody can practice yoga." And if you and i are breathing, we're in yoga. Thus, we all got dhristhi:)

Its like the front windscreen of a car. It can get blurred when the rain starts pouring down; or when it's too much dust covering the view. As we switch the wiper on and wipe it a few, we can see the road ahead much clearly.

All of us has got the power of dhristhi; due to so much of the external distractions and influences, our visions get blurred, could not see the path lies in front of us; we felt scared and stop moving forward. Yoga practices helps us wipe these illusions away and making our gaze more refine and focus.

As i slowly allow the expansion of dristhi practice, i learn how to look at things in different perspective. I taste the sweetness of a sharper vision and mind, that usually brings me to the role of a witness; and a direction to an unknown path.  

When we first look at a piece of forest, it looks like a big piece of green carpet hanging in the mid- air. Then we zoom into details of each trees.... and we learn to understand and enjoy the forest more.

Plat: Where are you directing to?

There is a saying in Chinese goes: 人在，心不在。
Which means that " you're physically here, but your heart has gone somewhere else."
The easier the pose, the more challenging it gets.


Seated forward bend ( paschimottanasana) is one of my favorite. The teacher was busy with others, who were sweating over to even mini- touch the toes; " Gaze at your big toes!" Obediently, i focused on my toes. I observed my 10 toes one by one--- long nails, time to cut... checked. Dry cuticles, time for lotion boost... checked. Maybe a pedicure session later...checked. And my mind drifted to what i should do after the class.


I am pretty sure, that we all have experienced or still experiencing the same thing. We may be talking to a friend, but thinking some other stuff. Its very obvious for the other to the other party to realise that, because our dhristhi ( gaze) shows it all. As our gaze is the window of our soul.


A teacher suggested to look beyond the point of focal. Direct your gaze further, and your body will move according to the direction. Explore how our gaze can direct us into the pose more deeply.
Let's take the paschimottanasana--- when we flow our gaze forward beyond the feets, observe that our shoulders are moving to the oppotion direction ( back). And thus, leading the chest forward with rooting the sitting bone firmly down--- to achieve spine lengthening effect.


Dristhi, should happens all the time. Without a gazing point, we are like a headless chicken--- its meaning-less. In life, we practice dristhi to open our vision for insight and foresight. It gives us a purpose to our action, a direction to travel towards to. The more we look inwards, the further we are able to leap forward.


Dristhi shows me how to look beyond: people, situations, thoughts--- that i learn to see things less superficially.


Like a birthday cake: We look at the outer layer, the cream and decoration. Then, we cut the cake and see the layers of slices inside. And if possible, we break down the ingredients.
Dristhi is the ability to break down the ingredients one by one, the the cake untouched.


Go deep.

Entrée: In the world of visions...

When was the last time you look at something or someone so intensely?

Dristhi, means gaze or insight--- is one of the essential tool emphasised in yoga practices. Different teachers approach this practice a little differently, but carrying with the same concept. Whether your gaze comes before or after the entry of a pose, no debates about it--- as long as it is one of the ingredient of the practice.

Dristhi did not come to me a "wow" back then and even now. When assumed in a Triangle pose, the teacher would add on, " gaze at your thumb". I thought it was just a casual top-up to make the pose look more comprehensive. While waiting for the 10 breaths, i counted the number of light bulbs on the studio ceiling, then counted the number of air-conditions in the room within my gaze.

As this particular practice goes for couple of years, i realise that--- hey, i can actually gaze inwards too!

Tired of taking stock of the light bulbs, i have a checklist for myself: hip squared?.... checked. Shoulders back and down.?.... checked. Chest opened?... checked. Knees right above ankle?...checked.
And this kept me busy enough till the last bit of breath.
Slowly, i checked the list faster than before, that my internal gaze moved so swiftly, for a little more time to observe my breathing and ease on the pose for a little while.

Dhristi is very shy, it does not bomb right at your face, shouts and waves vigorously, " hey! i am here! use me..!" It creeps in, holds your hand softly and tours you around outside and eventually brings you back home. Whispering in your ears, " hey, you're home. That's all you need to be."

Dristhi, is intangible. something that i can't hand over to you and say, " here, enjoy the gaze, and return to me later." nope.
Every time the story changes, because the scenery changes. And drishthi bore me right into my core, peeling the outer layer one by one until it leads me into the seed.

Its a very expanded experience, and yes... I'll follow on with more posts and aspect that how dristhi has make my learning journey more colourful:)

Tapping into the Core

Attended some classes with Sardie Nardini, a punky lady in a seek balck attire and her signature bangs. Despite all, she turned on rock music in the class--- not my favourite but i love her authenticity. I was in one session when she introduced " deep core line" ( that starts from our tongue)--- Are we talking about achieving six packs here? Nope! We are referring to the inner core strength, beyond the superficial muscles.

In a yoga term, "deep core line" is the activation of " moola bandha" ( root lock/lift).

For the next one hour, we were led into a flow of action; with constant pulsing of the pelvic floor muscles. Probably its the intensity of the practice, i somewhat felt something is flowing deeper into my core. An unexplainable feeling running along my digestive tract--- or even beyond that.

I am not sure if this was what the teacher meant; but i found myself being in a spot i've never before--- never gone so far deep before. It was amazing.
At the end of the session, assuming savasana ( relaxation), an exhalation releases all jailbirds---
an exhalation soften all clenched and guarded muscles as i sunk further into the core.
I teared again, its my second time during practices. i don't know why, or maybe i do... i did not bother to identitfy them one by one--- that's not all important when i decided to let them go altogether.

Its interesting, i felt i'd just travelled on the mat.

Yoga practices is not a practice by itself,  never a separation from our life. Its a union, whatever is happening on the mat, is happening to us and our world.

Checkmate!

Around at this time of my age, most of my ex- school mates and friends are out to the working society by now. Recently, in one of a meet up, one of them commented, " Oh... what is dream when we step into to the real world. We talk about being practical, dollars and cents."

I could have shut my both ears, nod and agree with her, given the choice she'd made for her future. But, somehow deep down, i don't want to swallow this idea down my throat and suffer any indigestion.

Do you still remember what's our ambition when we were still an innocent child? And somehow, during growing up, we were tunneled by the external influences to live according to the expectation of the others--- very commonly our parents, teachers and work superiors. 

When majority of the population enrolled into one course, we followed. When majority of the population are moving into a certain industry, we followed--- and thus, we chuck aside our so-called dream, and live off for pragmatism.

Gradually, we started to complain and lost the zest to work on. Lifestyle, character and work; when these threes qualities are operating in opposing direction--- that's when tension and unhappiness start.  

Where's the dream we used to dream? At the end of the day, it is how happy are we in person; not how to please and make others happy. How much have we benefited from the choices we made?

Moving through life decisions is like playing chess. Others have their own game to play, we have our own. Follow if we have to, lead if we must. Checkmate!

Yes, being very practical can give us big and fast returns. But, when the internal tension and piling up stress, how long can we sustain? Everything depreciates--- from job position to health and wellness.

Yes, chasing to do something we are good at and like-- may sound like a naive plan. Its a slow investment, and in person--- its an appreciation in value. What's more... its sustainable, for having the flair.

My childhood dream was to be a language teacher. I would play the teacher and my younger sis the students. Our classroom setting was the little kitchen--- using crayons and vandalised the surface of the fridge ( yup, my mum was in madness! ). Distributed "worksheets" and marked the"homework" with a red pen. And later, i had many opportunities to teach in the french-horn sections throughout my schooldays. I was diverted to other things for a while;
Very fortunately, i managed to move on into teaching till today. The subjects may have change, but the underlying enjoyment of sharing is always here.

Many people said that i'm just lucky to meet the right people--- but hey, i'd fight my way through to meet these great people. Don't be envious, i am not that impressive, i just want to be happy--- anyone of us deserves to be too!

Shraddha ( faith)--- Deeply & Strongly

Things which grow quickly are often more easily destroyed

 than those which takes a long time.

Big trees grow slowly,

yet strongly.

Deep rooted into the earth,

and reaching high towards the sky.

As the sutra goes:

Steadiness in the asanas is a practice to get firmness inside us.

Unmoving faith, mind, self-conduct and mind---

even in difficult times.