30 December 2017

Pain, you're such an enigma!

Current time: 8.45PM.
I planned to wake up early next morning, maybe 3.30AM
to get ready for LED class. In fact, to be in the queue for the 6AM class. 
So, instead of hitting my pillow ASAP, I flipped open my laptop.

I was in the midst of shower, and gushes of thoughts waved through my head.
I want to write them down before it washes off together with the shampoo on my hair.
Pain is a good teacher. 
Most time not friendly. 
Sometimes not compassionate even. 
Probably it even smirked off as " You deserved every bit of it."

Today, during practice, Sharath said to someone in a back bend " No pain, no gain."
It has been awhile i last heard this from anyone.
I took it well now, not earlier. 

Looking 8 years back. 
Young and invincible ( at least that was how i felt at that time), i didn't listen, and  i wouldn't listen.
I just wanted to do what i wanted, because I CAN. 

I was blessed with a well-preserved, soft & injury-free body ( in fact, because i was too lazy to move and exercise during my adolescent years). 
Being flexible and bendy at the time was enough to WOW & impressed myself and the people around me.

So, i make good used of it. 
Why not right? Because I CAN.

" You shouldn't bend like this, you will pinch your back once day." A few teachers said to me.
Did i listen? NO. 

I couldn't understand or comprehend their precautions at all. 
I could still pretzel or swiss-roll however i wanted without a second thought. 

Nope, don't care. So long as i get what i wanted, I'm going to do what i want.

A good 5 years later, practice progressing & body changes; and its time for my abusive attitude to stop. 
I pulled my Rotator-cuffs muscles, then my Lumbar was giving me issues, then the Piriformis...
and they kind of took turns to surface, whenever i wasn't aware enough and repeat my bad habits. 

Oh... its pay back time. I thought.
A sunny day out by the river bank checking out indians having cleansing bath;)
 At that point, I gave myself 2 options. 
1. Ditch the practice.
2. Ditch my old habits & see what i can get from the practice.

I chose 2. 
Because i have enough faith that the intention of the practice is to heal. 

I held back my pride, back-off many steps back and humbly work my new way forward.
That also meant that i have to brush pass "pain" a few times to work my way through. 
It was so frustrating, helpless & upsetting with all those struggles. 

Many times, i do just want to victimized myself by saying 
" oh poor me, why is this happening to me?" 
 You know, but an immediate response echoed, " Oh, you didn't listen, remember?" 

I like how some teachers regards the practice as a life-time practice.
 Its relatively, right?

If I'm going to commit to this for a long-time, my whole life time.... what's the rush?
What is the frustration all about? Where are you rushing to?

Make things right again & let it blossom again. Take time lady!

My school teacher once said the same thing.
" tell a kid not to touch the lighted candle"
"next moment you see the kid want to go near it"

" warn the kid again or few more time that the flame is hot, don't go near it." 
" next moment, the kid will go near the flame again."

" you know what? just let the kid get burn."
" just one time he gets burnt, he will learn"

I do see myself being teacher, sometimes nag at students a couple of times about the practice.
And i could totally relate to them for not listening unintentionally.

Well, so then i waited. They taught me to extend my level of patience indeed. 
I waited to the day they felt something was off or some pain is happening;

The day that their ears open willingly & ready to take in some information;
That my words are now more worthy to them, that's the right time for both of us. 

So even if pain seems like a heartless teacher;
not a nice teacher.
But definitely a good teacher with lots of tough love!


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