01 July 2014

梦想.लालसा.aspirasi. Dreams.

One evening, on my way to a class on a taxi....

While enjoying the moving scenery, the smoothness of the wheels on the road and listening to this interesting interview made over the radio of a mandarin channel;

With a veteran local actor who recently started his dream project of directing a film entering into the China market, 朱厚任 ( Zhu Houren)--- talking about a topic on 梦想 ( Aspirations). 

My attention immediately shifted from gazing of the passing trees & blue sky filled with fluffy clouds to him. What has this man who has already been around for more than half a decades has to talk about dreams at his age. 

Him talking about how much courage he took to step out from his comfort zone from being just acting to directing, he mentioned one sentence that came closes to my heart:

The dreams of a child, are usually tarnished by parents. 

Such reflective sentence came from his mouth of being in a role of a parent himself, was such a warm-heartening and relived from my constant tug-of-war with my parents. 

As i've mentioned in my previous blog posts, i admit that I'm probably the most rebellious child in the family--- i am not guilty at all:) 
In usual cases, my parents will only support my idea only after the change is a successful one. Which upsets me, sometimes. 

The closest kin are the ones who can hurt us most, because the relationship is close enough for that. 
Till today, i get constant disagreements with my parents for the kind of places i love traveling to, the activities that i enjoy doing and the community of people i love to engage with--- and the many life choices of micromanagement can really drives me crazy.
I've seen children growing up to become unhappy adults, compromising their happiness for the sake of the expectation from their parents--- the vicious cycle is just going to pass on to the next generation; my self-duty is to identify and cut this pattern for a happier and healthier future generation. 

Of course, in the view point of parents, i understand all parents want the best for their children. They love me as much as i love them. The antagonist appear when they are trying to fit me into their boxes-- and i'm highly sensitive for such manipulation. 

I remember how my parents will always show me all the negatives news articles after my travels to India and Indonesia, or after my dive trips--- hoping to plant the seed of fears discouraging my future travel plans to these countries again. It didn't work to favor them:)

Once, i nearly lost my own identity and started to take over their insecurities about so many things in life--- realizing that my constant fighting with their resistance was making me really tired. 
I've grow enough to understand that i may not need to make my parents happy the way they wanted to mould me to be right now;

the least i can do is to make them have no worries about me for being able to take care of myself--- they will be happy when the day they can truly understand me * crossed finger for the day to come sooner*

People wondered why i love traveling away for so long, especially to my favorite comfortable hide-out in Mysore, India. While many may think that my months in Mysore is a vacation---

Its not.

Being in Mysore, puts me into a reflective mode: it gives me enough space to really breathe into who i am and ground myself into where i want to move forward as a person in future--- its a spiritual luxury--- something i can't get back home filled with constant disagreements of my growth into blooming of who i really am. 

Listen to yourself, that's matter most. Consistently listen to the voice inside, and do what is right for yourself--- everything will fall into place beautifully when we least expect. 

1 comment:

  1. Hmmm...middle child syndrome with a rebellious streak! I say 'just do it'