Too fast, too furious--- and I feared.

I am afraid, of moving forward to fast.

This is the second time i had this feeling.
The previous one was about 5 years ago, it took a tour somewhere;
and came back to me again. Today.

Is there something wrong with me? Progressing no doubt is a good thing.
But there is a strong nudge towards an unknown, calling out for a change.

After i had a talk with my teacher, James on what's next?
I'm kind of excited and scared-- A long train of thoughts running in my head.
I was feeling really restless of no particular reason-- and took a leisure walk by myself around to let out some gas.

I am afraid, of moving forward to fast.
That i couldn't catch a breath to enjoy the leap. 

Surely, i don't like to stay in this bubble of uncertainties--- but i guess it put me just on the right spot for self-confrontation. That I don't eventually self-sabotage the plan. Again.

When the change is not an idea anymore.
When the change is appealing for an execution.
When the change is so ready to take flight ( and I'm not sure if i am too).
I freaked out. ( yet still hungry for it).

I recite my dreams every night before i sleep.
I think about it every now and then as i walk down the streets.
And things are taking shape slowly, calling out for the need of adaptability---
Now that all i feel is hopeful & afraid. 

So shall be it.
 

Hold that faith- we will understand it one day.

Every thing happened, happens for a reason. Even we don't know, or don't understand or don't accept the reason right now.

In the moment of whirlpool of thoughts, we may feel angry--- on the fact that there a world out there beyond our control. 

We may throw tantrum like a child, blaming everyone & including ourselves.

But,  hold that faith---  that one day as we mature, we will finally understand why some things don't happen the way we wanted. 

" ... Because God has got better plan for you." A friend would always says.

Things don't happen to us, they happen for us ;)