What is the biggest addiction?

Its close to midnight, and before i packed up for a short getaway; i want to pen down this post for a recent conference i was watching on a video by Shivani Kumari. 


I posted a question on my Facebook status 12 hours ago " What is the biggest addiction?" just curious about the responses i might receive.  Some said " chocolate", " shopping", " air", " stalking Facebook postings"...

Among all those varieties displays of addiction--- in my personal view, the biggest addiction is "addiction" itself. Whatever we are addicted to, doesn't matter. It can be drugs, smoking, desserts, food, games... some are even addicted to anger or being in depression.

Any form of addiction that we have, can control us like a puppet.

In the video i was watching by Shivani, interestingly pointed out that the biggest addiction  today--- is using people's lies to feel good about ourselves. Many times we tend to rely on people's opinions to decide how we should feel.

As praises can be as venomous as criticism--- we tend to get affected by either one of them, isn't it?

Say, if someone said i've a beautiful haircut--- my level of " feeling good" shoot up rocket sky. 
If another person said my haircut is really bad--- my level of " feeling good" from that high, thumped straight down to the ground. 
So, now i'm confused how i should feel, happy or not happy? And i go around as for more opinions.

When does public opinions becomes so important to us?
When we don't know ourselves well enough.

When we don't know ourselves deep enough, we lost ground.
We get shaken by others easily. We copy what other people are doing, we lost our originality of being who we are.

Addiction is not a bad thing, or horrible--- if we know how to pull and release them within our grip. We become slaves to addictions---- if we lost grounding and being led by it.

For instance, i remembered a short discussion with a friend earlier back on an addiction for acceptance socially.

Personally, i never agree to the response as " politically correct answer". Which a friend was telling me that we have to sometimes... or most of the time to response in " politically correct answer"--- in another meaning to me is to be a copy cat, even if you disagree deep down inside. 

Honestly, its either i appreciate with sweet words, or i'll speak my silence with a sweet smile.

The bigger questions in life?

Have you ever have some fleeting moments when you start asking the bigger question in regards to life? I reckon i started asking myself some of the bigger questions when i started to enjoy free time.

When i say free time, its really free.

Chances when i could sit in a cafe, staring blank at the people rushing up and down the street; when everything through my eyes started to slow down to a pause. During this halt, the bigger questions in life started to interest me. Sometimes, i could even sit for an hour, of doing nothing.

When i say bigger questions, i refer to those questions that answers are not found in books, and the level of understanding of the answers vary at different stage of my life, through different mouths.

Why is it essential to take out some time from busy routine for these questions?
At least to me, these questions increases the value of life itself; that makes me appreciate the whole idea of mine and the others'  existence. Discovering the value of each life force beyond price tags.

We do know that not everybody is ready or aware of these bigger questions. Its all about timing, the time when we are open to schedule in free time of " just doing nothing", the questions will flow in naturally. 

Are you.... a control freak?

This morning practice with James was quite a humorous one--- i couldn't stop laughing with the rest while we still try to keep our practice going.

There was this lady, who was trying to jump up to a handstand; ideally followed by fall over to a backbend. 

After her many many tries, she still couldn't make herself fall over to the other side. Sulking, she asked James why she couldn't tip over to other side. 

James said, " Just bring your feet to the other side, just fall over. You're controlling to get the balance too much. "

"Shouldn't  falling be much easier than to control. You have way too good control ?!" 

While i heard the other lady said jokingly, " Maybe she's a control freak..?"

James responded as he was pointing to himself,  " I... I don't think there is just one person in this room is a control freaks.!" 

" We all just like to control, as much as we can, aren't we?"

It was an interesting point which i never realized. Because of our fear of falling, the anxiety about the unknown result, we tend to use all our might to control the situation ( by control ourselves and other's too).... to hold on to the zone of expectation. 

I totally understand her situation of not able to tip over to a fall. It all just very mental. 

For so many times when i tried to jump and fall back, always... always when i reached to a point of total balance, i would not want to explore the falling down zone.

Till one day, i got so frustrated with me being such as coward cat, and talked to my brain before i went for my next try " what's the big deal, just fall and roll all over... whatever!" 

The time when i decided to stop playing the role of a control freak, i let go of the rein, and fell l over...

I did fall with a loud "thump!"... but not as tragic as i had always imagine. 

Many times, we find ourselves wanting to take control of our or even others' life too much. And this is taking a huge toll of ourselves--- chunking out pieces and pieces of peace each time.

Be brave enough to loosen the grip, and feel the lightness of everything.

Let it happen, let it be. The way it is. 

"What is will always be.
What is not, never was and never will be."

~ Bhagavad Geeta