Pain is real. Yes it is. I'll take it all.

Yesterday marked my first time injuring myself successfully during the practice. For 6 years, i've always been very careful about not stepping over the line. Finally, it happened.

I was exploring new movements, while battling to secure my right leg behind my neck... i heard a         " piak" ( just like a sound when you tear your pants). I was literally shock and froze in that awkward position for few second. Did i just heard something disgusting? I released my leg super slowly, while retreating myself to lay flat on my mat.

Gingerly, with every little movement, my mind started to scanned through if there's any sharp pain.
No. No pain at all.
Oh great, what now? What happened?  Did i tear some fibers? If i did, i should be crying right now. The droplets on my face were my sweat, not tears.
 Ironically, i still managed to complete my practice as usual, painless.

 But inside my heart i was praying, being hopeful that nothing too serious. I blamed myself for being so impatient and lack of awareness. Only couple of hours when i got home, i felt the swell birthing. Which then i managed to locate the exact piece of muscle : Anterior Tibialis.
Oh anterior tibialis, i don't think i'll ever forget about you again. Thanks for the attention!

I limped around the house, with an ice pack dangled around my knee;  felt really lousy.
While i was always thankful for my flexible- inclined body, i took it for granted and pushed it off the limit.

Doubtful, worried and scared, all are coming. My fear of getting injured had finally arrived.
Ok, what had happened.. had happened. Time to take responsible for it, and learn my lesson well!

While i've always heard and read about injuries by ashtanga teachers, it can come down to a long list. If you have seen the chart of just the Primary Series, you'll understand.
Which reminded me of how James nonchalantly told me its alright with the strained after the class. He probably been through much more. 

Sri K Pattabhi Jois once said, " Pain is real". Yes it is.

It reminded me that my body is made of flesh and blood. Tangibly, it will deteriorate as i age. That it is exposed to risk for the things i do and the environment I'm living in.

Pain makes me real, that i should never a second to spend living in my mind or imagination of a perfectly fine and healthy body.
This is what your real body has to offer you, take it.

While we assume everything has to be perfectly high up, something will pull us down. Nothing stays constantly up or constantly down. Just like the series in the Ashtanga method, some pose are easy breezy to handle, which one or two of them are a hard nut to crack.

It moves, and the process of the whole practice teaches us how to manage it.

All is well. It has to be:)

Why home practice is good--- its challenging though.

Yesterday had a long conversation with a friend at the cafe below the shala after practice, its funny how suddenly we had so much to talk about. She was sharing with me how the inconvenient of traveling within Kuala Lumpur had sort of forced her to build up her own home practice.

Which i totally understood how challenging it can be to practice on your own. The feeling of vulnerable when all those lazy thoughts are waiting to attack the mind, " persuading" us to cut corners in the practice.

While some teachers make student dependent on them, and some teachers encourage independency.
I'm super grateful my teacher intention was to let us go and build our own practice at home.

My teacher Master Paalu once said, " Home practice is the real practice for self- discipline. Nobody will understand how much it takes to practice alone at home until they do it. For a long time."
Each time, its like a mind battling game. I've to admit that i learn so much from this process.

Now, when i travel around, the practice follows me. I don't need to find an excuse for myself because of being away from teacher. I become my own teacher, and discover so much more.

Whether being in a class or alone, both are good. It depends on what you want out of the practice. The intention.

September the 2nd

Setting off for a travel never fails to lighten my soul. Not entirely about the travel plan itself, but just by arriving to the departure hall of the airport. Suddenly, my feet felt so feather light, while few days ago it was heavy like stepping on wet cement.

In order not to get post flight body stiffness, I deliberately woke up in the wee hour 4am to start my practice. A good body full of sweat pouring over my face and all over my body--- feels good. The morning was cool, my body was warm from the inside.

Everyone was sleeping, I had the living room all by myself. Neither did i turn the lights on nor put on my contact lens. The half- blindness vision while doing the practice in darkness was an experience.

Had a good rest at towards the end, and everything feels like simple bliss.

My mum who was persistence of sending me off, finally went to bed. I called out to her twice after I packed up everything, wanting to just notify her--- no response. Not wanting to disturb her in dreamland, I creeped out of the house like a thief. 

Bon voyage.